My Memorization ProblemLast Sunday, I had an eerie feeling. I don’t know how to call it but it’s like emptiness. I felt like I was trapped in my hollow heart with guilt aerating around. I chilled out with my pc, but it didn’t work. I watched TV, I gobbled foods I went out of my pad, I walked around and did some other stimulating activities, but none of these gave a solution to my emo, even of patching out a small of hole of predicament. I felt that everything bad had flashed back in an instance, a reality game as if the problems were present at that very moment. The self-reproach was kept on pushing me on the memory pit of envy, lust, pride and the deep-seated feeling of unworthiness. I would like to shout, to vanish in an instant, to escape in that inescapable disarray. I just sulked at the corner of my room instead. With deep introspection, I found the answers – the terms. The answers that I dug out were the terms I bumped into before I stuck with the gripping passivity in life. These terms are looking back and holding back. These two terms have different meanings. When we say, holding back, which I usually do, is to impede the progress of something or to retain oneself in a dormant phase of life. On the other hand, looking back, which is more positive and which I ought to realize, is just looking back upon a period of time/events or simply recapturing the past with attention and liberation. Sometimes I think what if there’s such a thing as memory wipe, just like the story of Michael Jennings. That would be a great help for those in severe depression and other psychological disequilibrium. Dam**t! That’s too sci-fi, and I hate it (but I watched it, lol). If you believe that loser’s script exists then you’d be caught in more ruthless condition. Life is indeed a long journey, sometimes for you to move forward, you outghtta leave your luggage though it means a lot to you, even if it contains valuable history in life. So keep moving forward and from time to time look back. Besides everything resides at the back of your mind, if you need it, just look through.
Memory, use it to move forward.
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