confused

When I was a kid, I was taught about the structure in life – that life is labyrinth, a maze of questions but there’s always a way for everything to make it a simple journey. I kept my post-it notes, my journals, and my new year’s resolution as a blueprint and an everyday remembrance that life will be okay for tomorrow

- The hope

. I was taught that if I strive hard, I‘d get the equal payoff for my efforts; the books, the children stories, and my teachers and guardians promised me – we’re all had this promise – that life is a long walk in the wide horizon, be free to walk

- The freedom

. I was convinced about that and I had lived a life in that way – to live with a possession of control. I was made to believe about metamorphosis, about the transformation of life to abundance, beauty, and freedom like a butterfly flying on a fertile land with blooming lilies and lavenders

- The dream

. Though I acknowledge the inevitable of natural disasters, I still believe of control by choosing a place to live in with fewer risks – a form of control. I was trained, taught, and made believe to the power of man’s control

- The free will

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But what about the proclamation of behavioral genetics, of our genes. What about the crimes, if someone has stabbed at your back? Are you still going to claim the thoughts of free will? Are you still going to claim “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul”? How about the scripts of your life? The destiny, the plan that you’re going to walk in the filth. How about the program of heredity? Are you still determined about the thoughts that were given to you? Is life alterable?

Pardon me…I am just confused with my f*****-up life

- The rundown life

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