goodness flows...

I need sleep badly…
Here’s my thought for today…I really don’t why this memory has come into my mind, a sudden flash out of nowhere. This event happened not so far ago, not so remote and not so ordinary considering the field that I have. But then, this event touched my heart in a different way. As a novice in my field, I was assigned to hardcore surgery ward, wherein patients come and go erratically and emergency is not unusual. Every duty had a surge of adrenalin rush but then my epinephrine supply was doubled when I encountered Mrs. Fortune. She had a long-standing diabetes and renal problem. She was edematous, water was coming out from her skin pores and her blood pressure was fluctuating unsteadily. She was intubated and hooked to cardiac monitor, pulse oximeter and had a CVP line. She had dobutamine, dopamine and levophed drip with conscientious titration. I was monitoring her hourly, and it seemed that I was with her during the whole shift. My work entails prioritization – I had twelve clients then and I attended to their needs on the spur of the moment but with explanation and care. Because of my special close contact with Mrs. Fortune, getting to know her relatives and especially her husband was effortless. I became close both to Mr. and Mrs. Fortune. But as day passed by, I noticed that the condition of Mrs. Fortune was getting worse, her blood pressure dropped to 70/40 mmHg and her urine output was inadequate. That was the time that Mrs. Fortune’s physicians had decided to transfer her to ICU. Though it was really toxic caring for a patient like Mrs. Fortune, her presence and the empathy I had with Mr. Fortune made it difficult for me to let go. But I got no choice; it was for Mrs. Fortune’s good. After that event, my routine to ward came back to normal. One day, after a very tiring work, I went out at roughly 2:00am though my work was only up to 10:00pm (too much needs to attend at), I heard a faint voice coming from behind, when I turned back I saw Mr. Fortune. He was standing in a white polo shirt tucked in a black clean cut slacks. The wrinkles on his forehead had multiplied since the last time I saw him and his eyes looked so tired with fresh moist on the orbits. He’s more than 80 years old and the time I first met him, his posture looked like 10 years less of his real age but now he looked so tired and slouched, just like plus 10 years on his real age. I could feel his tensed gait as he walked through me, then he said, “Maraming Salamat”, he repeated it for three times until he uttered that his wife had expired. I was stupefied – one, that he still recognized me though it was roughly a month ago; second, the fact that Mrs. Fortune is gone; and third, for the worlds that I would say. I got nothing to say and my mind wasn’t processing during that time. I just said condolences as I blankly tapping his back. After around three minutes of standing dead at the corridor, Mr. Fortune bid goodbye and turned away. I looked at him for the last time and went on my way too. As I was walking home, I realized how much he had and how much he needed someone to talk to. I felt guilty because I wasn’t able to render that comfort with him. But then I felt enlightened about my field – I felt good since I have the chance to touch other’s life, to sincerely be an angel of a sick room. Mr. and Mrs. Fortune gave me a lot of lessons in life; first, how valuable time is – we should get rid of the what-ifs and should learn how to show our love, we should not wait until our love ones are on bed lying unconsciously; second, how the memory of good deed remains in the heart of a person – that if you give love, it will definitely come back to you; third, how actions speak louder than words - how the gestures make a big difference; and lastly, how I value my work and feel so much lucky about it.



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