let's take a walk

For a weary slum-urban dweller, walking is a one of the best forms of relaxation and a getting away practice from the strain of the monotony in life and boredom of tiring-yourself-down at work. With every strike of my heel on the ground, every swing of the legs and every movement of the hips, at the same time every second is also accomplished with the benefits in health and airing out the troubles by the double pendulum system of walking...

Thank you for always being there with me, by walking with me side by side in a long journey called LIFE...I'll never get tired mahal and I'll walk with you til' we're toothless and we'll just gonna enjoy the sunset walking at the beach together...

MAHAL,
let's take a walk...

here...

droplet...

“The sky is turning gray…
The wind is blowing gently…
It’s pretty cold…
I guess, it’s going to rain”

Not in a distant past, I caught myself wandering in the busy streets of the city while the rain was pouring hard, drenching the whole land. While I was feeling the tactile gladness of the droplets on my skin, I saw a sparkling drop falling from a lonesome cloud. It’s different from all the other droplets; it has a different gleam, a different radiance that made my world to stop. It felt that I was mesmerized as it was falling gently, tenderly and in an enchanting moment as I opened my palm, it rested there comfortably, faintly, soothingly prefect. And from that moment, I made a decision to keep it.

“Can I keep you?”
It just glowed

I went home holding that droplet securely and I placed it in a crystal box near to my heart. It felt that it was filling up my empty little cup of life.

“Can I keep you?
It just shimmered.

Because of the fear that I might lose it anytime, I kept it in the deepest part of my heart, hoping that it would stay forever. Then I saw it congealing, becoming more solid each day and it gave me so much delight. But then before the droplet formed into a precious gem, it dispersed as if it was sweating from my dainty care and before I noticed it, it evaporated, faded away and came back to the cloud where it was firstly belonged.

“The sky is turning gray again…
The wind is cold, I hope it rains.
I’d walk around for them not to see me crying…

-Sunny


I'm finally moving on...I wasn't feeling good posting this composition because this was what happened to my last relationship. Lucky i was able to chat with my BFF blogmate "OR" and she shared with me this very nice video that lifted my mood and reminded me how blessed I am with my present relationship...

u hate me....

Nuisance is a weapon of destruction. It may even ruin the whole world but (to tell you boldly) it isn’t an ESCAPE. It is not a big eraser tagging along with you to erase the path that you took with someone (you loved before or may I say til’ now) and definitely, it is not a click on button to undo things.

So you think you’ll forget me (or I’ll get over you) by a bane of my existence and finding insufferable fault in a pointless condition?
No way.
The mere fact that you threw the spell of whammy to me stands for one big thing; you’re still in the relationship.
The mere fact that you’d want to block me implies one true thing; you’re still with me.
Relationship is not a one stop merry-go-around, riding happily on the carousel of endless love. It’s more of a roller-coaster ride. It would turn your guts (including your heart) and mushy emotions upside down. Bet you all have been live through to this worn-out justification. Moreover, I also bet that no matter how hard it is you’d still want to take a ride and then another ride and so forth til’ you bleed and die (in peace or in vain). And if you’re settled now (the lucky rider), I bet that you had an ample of fuzzy ride before finding the right one. Lastly, I bet that when you decide to settle down, you bet your whole life.
At the start of the ride, we have two options: to quit or to persist. If you decide to stay, you must ready yourself to descend into an unfathomable pit of qualms, however if you decide to quit, you oughtta ready yourself of falling hard on your knees. At the end of the ride, you still have two options: to love again or to love more. You may end up alone but not lonely if you fathom the other channels of love or you may end up internalizing the bearing of Narcissus.
Here’s a fact: The more you ignore the person, the closer the person get into your heart.
Thought: We can never end a story with thoughts hanging on the cliff. Talk about it. Have a proper closure. Patch it out. Don’t just pour out your madness on swearing. You’ll never know what will happen next…you’ll never know til’ you bet your life.

cowboy

If I were given a chance to be somebody, I would choose to be the larger-than-life cowboy. A man free of ties, worries, and responsibility. A man of freedom and control, and with powerful strength in the chase of life up to the end of the horizon, to the length of the seashore, and to the boundaries of the sun and the moon. A man who has the power of filling out the blanks in his life without needing someone to row the boat with. Free, just like the wind.

All right!
I had enough and it all ended up to NOTHING. Therefore, before I let you feel bad about yourself, lemme confess these things.

I love it when you tell me the stories of your life; your family, hobbies, things that would make you feel good and bad about, your dreams, your plans and your emotions.
However, I don’t like when you try hard to crack down my mind. The moments when you wanted to open up my book. It sounds selfish, I know. But it really feels bad when you ask me questions that require an immediate answer. It feels like regressing I’m regressing to my childhood school experience; the q and a and recitation with my unbendable teachers and everything would just turn out to nothing, the best commodity that I could give - useless.
I need time. I need to think. I need to process things and to sort out the junks in my head. I’m not as good as you are in terms of emotional open up.

I love it when you spill out your sentiments with me. It feels like that I am needed, a knight in a shining armor that is ready to protect and comfort you. Nevertheless, it gives me frustration when you become an emotional basket. It feels that I am responsible for everything and it feels that I am useless, seeing you down and helpless.

I love it when you give your spontaneous compliments to me, the way you hand out your cheesy lines and mushy emotions. However, it kills me when it’s all becoming a ritual. It’s numbing me down and it creates resentment on me.

For now, I just want to become a cowboy, to find my competence again, and to grow into a real man, not a kiddo with fear and resentment to the world. I want to bring back the control within myself, the confidence. I need to define myself again.

N.B.: pls remember my last message for you.

Love,
Sunny (ngfeeling,lol)

it's all coming back...

I have a HUGE crush on her...whew! i just cant take her away from my mind,lol. The happy times we had...i missed everything about her. She's now living somewhere in the north, in the queen's land.lol. Just lately i've got the chance to catch up with her "again"...im so damn happy...

again

For the nth time of my life, I have this feeling again, (_)that makes a funny smash to my tummy. The excitement is there, present and jumping. And it is giggling. The word missing you has awakened after its long hibernation. However, one thing has cracked me up. Am I ready to get hurt again? Yes, I am, I guess. Nevertheless, I do not want her to cry, to get hurt just because of me. She is fragile. She is mine. It is a struggle for my heart knowing that she belongs to me, in my thoughts but not in the real world. What if she has the same feelings for me?
Is my conscious thought has taken over the direction of my life. Am I starting to numb myself again? Or I am just a selfish animal.
I guess…I am a coward and a selfish animal!

Love letters: part1

15th of July 2001*

My dearest Cassandra*,
Hi!

Cassandra thank you for the time you spent with me. It was a nice moment walking and talking with you again under the same trees that enveloped and witnessed our first time encounter. It's the same crisp of summer breeze and the shady silhouette view on the first time i saw you sitting on the bench and reading your Anne Frank novel. I remember, you told me to read that book too but i have to confess, i left it behind my thoughts unintentionally. Hope that won't make you sad because i know you're a book lover and you're the one who influenced me to read as well. By the way, you look awesome with your red dress, It reminds of your red embroidered ribbon that you wore on...that was July 15th,yes! 5 years have transpired already yet the cosmos are still the same. The tress, the pavement, and even the grass. But there's one thing that has changed Cassandra, the warmth of your palms. It's never like before. The ardent warmth is gone and i missed it a very great deal. Cassandra, I am really sorry for the distance that i made with you for 3 years. I know, it was my fault. Sorry for i never explained it well but on last the last we met, i was in my full courage to disclose everything but i know you were busy clearing out things so i decided not to spill it out ...But it's an amiable reason for me to make another letter. I missed you so much Cassandra. Take care of your health and don't forget to take your vitamins and as i always remind you, get enough sleep. Til' my next letter Cassandra. Take care!

Hugs and Kisses,
Sunny

15th of July 1996+

Dear Sunny,

I had fun Sunny, I never expected that you would be nice to me. You look funny with your unkempt hair but you managed to impress me well. You're very different at school. I thought that you're going to bully me but you acted so manly today. Thanks for the flowers that you gave to me, they're so nice and lovely. High school time is over and i regret that we became friends at this closing time...Anyways, hope to see you tomorrow. Same time. Same place.
Take care.

Smiley,
Cassandra

Dec 19988*

Dear my Sweetest Sunny,
.....processing.

*fictitious data

ur sweet gudbyes: just another emo..draft again

Last night my heart was born once again – a strange emotion had transpired and it was unexplainable beyond any word to begin. It was like my heart was melting down until the wicks of my veins were burnt into ashes. The feeling was ephemeral just like the smile on your face that flashed in my thought in split of my heart’s beat…but in a something else. It seemed that everything had changed just like the rivulets that turned into a drought piece of land and my feeling was bursting just like the volcano that released its dormant tension after a decade of reining in. Your “sweet hellos” that gave me air for a jiffy but then it suddenly turned out to be the poison that torn down my heart and hopes. It was the strangest message that you uttered with pure delights of milk and honey but then it was meant to starve me to death.
And also last night my heart was buried six feet under the ground…

It tickles my heart again...

after the hasty appearance of the radiant sheen comet at my sky, i thought i would never had another sight of that fey scene again. That magical moment happened in a split-second but it was filled with intense feelings that caused sleepless lovely nights for me. That experience was bracing, like the magic of the soul that brought me to being. I thought I would never experience another thrill, another rush, another tempting beat of my heart..till one night...the night that i never expected to be the magic re encounter. For the second time, i saw the glow of that comet. I was in the silence of my heart, feeling every movement, every melody that's dancing in the air. It was a moment of opposing feelings, fusing emotions...indeed magic. On that pace of excitement, i controlled myself for me to see the real beauty of that comet. I controlled every energy that would really like to flare up intensely, the feeling that i was floating on the thin air but it was a happy moment. Your face, your smile, your laughters, every inch of you in the virtual world. I couldn't touch you but I could feel you. I couldn't cuddle you but i could imagine the heat of your body and I could feel your breathe caressing my face. Your presence that brought another magic even in that essential nature of interspace.

I am happy with this, i just wanna live with the moment.
It tickles my heart again.