Fade it away

The cliché says First Love never dies, and I guess one of the most painful events in life is getting over the first love that made you fly but in the end it left you with the broken wings. First love doesn’t always end in “they-lived-happily-ever-after” scene. Most of us are just so naïve to believe that the magic of first love cannot be replaced by any other love. In my case, still struggling with this little foolishness…

5 things I hated after my first heart-broken experience.

1. Bes- because this was my ex called me after our break-up. It’s killing me; I loved that person more than best friend but the hell, I was just the nth party. Though my so-called Bes has not done something heinous (like stealing my jelly beans), the thought of being betrayed is always coined with that alternative title –Bes.

2. Krispy Crème - reminds me of ex again, during my quick visits before going to work with the uberly sweet donuts on hand. And the cuddling under the moonlight romance and the sweet goodbyes whenever I sent my Bes home.

3. Buying shirts of same kind – I would never ever wear that shirt again. Swear! Oh, I forgot to donate it during Ondoy.

4. Tramadol – The paradoxical effect - it’s making me sick, sheesh. It alleviated your headache but it would never (not even a bit) ease the pain that you caused me.

5. Lastly, my feeble emotions. I hate it whenever I remember you because it’s very unfair for my baby.

N.B. Pathetic me! Babe, forgive me. I just don’t want to pretend that I am okay. I thought that I could breeze it out with you. I’m such a jerk for being insensitive. Please say you'll never go.

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wish you were here...

home

There is no place like home, the abiding place of the affections...I missed everything about this place, the scent of air, the heat of the sun, the comfort of every corner and most especially the memories that dwell on this abode...And I always carry the wishful thinking that someday we'll (my sissies) gonna be here to celebrate Christmas...



So to fill up my pathetic emotional reminiscing, i set up our old Christmas tree. It's been a tradition between my mum and I to erect this antique tree. I missed it much that i had a slight regression to my childhood days.


My favorite hand-made Christmas balls, made from beads, sequins, lace, and stones.


I'm finally HOME....my heart really belongs to this place, to my family.

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Btw, this is my favorite PJ and of course my Christmas mug....Happy Christmas in Advance...Celebrate it with your loved ones, with your family.

upside down

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Whatever may happen - upside down...
I'll still love you!

afternoon delight....

this is what ya' called LIFE!

ride with me...

come! come!

afternoon delight...

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leave...

Thank GOD or else I'd probably be here for life...

Booo!

Booo!

Alright, here comes again the Halloween Celebration. It really never occurred in my mind because of the busyness at work until yesterday when I went out to the mall to chill out. Oh, everything’s on theme – make it a bit bizarre and sloppy scary dude. Oh, the cobwebs are everywhere with the flying bats made from polyurethanes , and of course the entertaining salespersons with their flabby costumes. Oh yeah, it’s really Halloween, and makes me a bit unwell for the emotional bombi attack of self-pity, hahaha. Wish I could do some pranks, have the trick-or-treating, wear flabby costumes, and a lot more of kiddoes' activities.

But of course, I learned how to entertain myself. So to keep up with the spookiness of Jack-o'-lantern, here’s my solo celebration of Halloween….



Oh, sheesh! it's pretty cold today, wish there's someone who could trick-or-treat with me. "grins"...

-sunny

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only six pesos

It was a compulsive decision. It’s an additional load to my tiring life. And it marks a new page in my filthy scrapbook to doodle the every day scratch of life. Another cool change; from pocket size to two inches width manuscripts, from slate to monitor, from pens to keyboard, from traditional to virtual. These are just some of the few changes, but the most exciting one, I’ll be paying only 6 pesos for my fare.






N.B.1 - My horoscope says:
Career: Stars favor your career plans – promotions, raises, and transfers to other companies.
N.B. 2 – Jinro is just..fine.
N.B. 3 - Goodluck!

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HOLIDAY

Back in my elementary grades whenever there’s someone who'd ask me about my favorite subject, my favorite answer was -“RECESS”. Recess would mean a trip to canteen to buy ice candy, a chase around the trees, a treat by eating gummy bears and cry baby and a lot more of taking advantage the15 minutes by running around the playground regardless the blaze of sun.

When body hair started to grow and crushes became the mainstream in life, this event was then called BREAK-TIME. It was a perfect fleeting time to sight-see my dearly schoolmates and a time for giggles for the sweet hi-hello encounters, a gossip occasion, a boastful incident – flirting.

Then books started to file up into my desks and thesis writing suggested a more serious life. The break-time then evolved to TIME-OUT. It’s a spell-breaker to the monotony of my traditional professors who assumed to be genius and to my exhausting vacant stare at the white board assuming that I fully understood the x and y equations.


And now the 15-min becomes the most valuable thing for me, and I now call it REST. It’s a time to rest my feet from walking here and there from attending my client needs and to feed my hungry tummy. It’s a rest from my draining ten hours of work.

Everyone needs a recess, a break, a time-out, a rest.

A vacation leave from work

A semester’s break at school

A stop-over from a long trip

A commercial break for soaps

A contraceptive holiday

Everyone needs it…

Even in LOVE.

When you asked me if I still love you, I didn’t say no. I said nothing.
When you asked me again, my reply was, “It’s not easy to fall out in love”
What I really wanted and what we really need is a recess, a break, a time-out, a rest.

…A recess for us to enjoy eating gummy bears alone while reminiscing the dinner we had.

…A break-time for us to see the world beyond our hugs and to have a sight-see, like a walk in the park during idle Sundays.

…A time-out for our arguments and misunderstandings for us to enjoy the harmony in our differences.

…A rest for us to reexamine and reassess our relationship.

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ps. you're always in my mind

-sunny

last dance

THE FIRST DANCE

THE LAST DANCE

"You wear that smile again"
The same smile that struck me dead
That enclosed me deep in your eyes
That caught me tightly, strongly, faithfully
But the closeness that which I cannot touch

It’s everyone’s dream to interlace the cold fingers
To someone’s hands
And on the time we had it
We both clasped for whatever things might happen
For whatever steps we might arrive at
Or for whatever pace in life

But it’s all in the music
If the rhythm will conspire with us
To have the perfect jive
In a routine that will last

I said I don’t know how to dance
You hushed that lets just enjoy the night
As an inexperienced dancer
I became the king of the night
And you as my queen to tap

The melody made the beats
And we just let our feet
To sway and to play in the ball stage
Dancing, intricately, intimately
And with the feeling of endlessly

And tonight...
You wear the same smile again
But the music got mystified
I heard that you hushed again
That which I cannot figure out

Is it the commencement of the final dance?
Then again the clock rung there times
And then you cast in the dark
Leaving behind the golden slippers on my hand

-sunny

the last dance

relax

"relax"

"Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare"

There was a time during my college days wherein i was really frantic about the school jam..My classmates had noticed that i look filthy with my unkempt hair, puffy eye bags, and with my unorganized things. Stressed! Stressed! Stressed! Then one of my classmates pulled me back and took me to the cavern-like spot in our school. "Hey, want to straighten your messy life"? She asked. I was in full amazement with her question and i took a moment to think through if my life was indeed so bad. She also paused for a moment as if she was waiting for the right timing (until my delirious face was turned back to normal) and then she started to disclose her little secrets about "happy life". I couldn't believe that someone like her was talking to me about "happiness and peace" blah blah for i had the prejudice thought about her - "weird and filthy". But she's persuasive, i was convinced to attend a yoga class with her.

It was a mid afternoon under the shady tress and grassy purview near the soccer field and the bunch freakazoids were sitting on the ground in a circular manner. There was one person playing a mini drum with goatskin cover and another person was holding a maracas-like instrument.The headmaster of the group invited me to sit beside him. He had a serene face and he talked in a calm manner. He commenced the activity by a short lectures about yoga and its principles ,and after that we started the sanskrit chant in air with drums and maracas for a humble entreaty.

"Yoga: union with the ultimate. The purpose of yoga is to lead to a silence of the mind. This silence is the prerequisite for the mind to be able to accurately reflect objective reality without its own subjective distortions. Yoga does not create this reality, which is above the mind, but only prepares the mind to apprehend it, by assisting in the transformation of the mind – from an ordinary mind full of noise, like a whole army of frenzied and drunken monkeys – to a still mind."

The first time gathering was followed by another and another...and I was able to recite the lengthy superfluous chant on the Buddha beads. I succeeded in absorbing all the external forces around me and in detaching myself to the world. Until one day...
Someone knocked at my door and gave me a test about faith...

Because of the conflict in faith, i slowly withdrew myself from the group and started all over again. But Yoga has thought me a lot of lesson. It's not only about the relaxation and comfort that you can gain but the technique of having a peace of mind that really matters. So at times that i feel so bad bad bad, i take a moment and practice yoga.

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Good violations…

Shoot, shoot, shoot…I just love to capture the world around me: to capture reality, to make a little drama, or just to have a plain accidental good shot. I am zero in terms of photography and I can’t really afford to enroll at photography classes. Even with my equipment, I am broke. I don’t have the “tech-y” things, just my lo-fi 2004 model camera phone. But having the cutting-edge cameras is always my dream, but for now I settle for what’s on my hand. It’s pretty awkward when someone says “nice photographs, great cam you got there”. It’s has the belittling note by taking credits to the equipment rather than to the passion of the one who took it. It was just a month ago when my artsy facet has awakened due to someone’s photo blog. I was encouraged to make one just to spill out, if ever, my so-called artsy. I got hooked taking pictures though I don’t have even a bit of information about photography. But I was always impressed by my own work; love your own, lol. Then just last night I found a gadget magazine at my cousin’s pad. I’m not really tech-y but it was a star struck with the Holga cams and the pictures featured there by a camwhore and a photo violator. By scanning the whole mag, I realized that I am a violator of the photography tidbits.
First rule: The dead center. According to the rule, centering your point of interest will make your photo look unimaginative. But I do love to take pictures with dead center especially if there’s a good symmetry on the backdrop; it gives an amount of perspective.

Second Rule: About face. Eyes and facial expression are very important to photographers, they tell thousand of stories. But in my case, I love the drama of about face violation; it has the emotion and the trace of mystery. It allows the viewer to think on what’s on the subject’s mind and why there’s a drama.

Third Rule: Gritty. Sensitivity in Photography is very vital, the elimination of noise to create a sharp, clean, and really smooth images. But imperfections can sometimes create a point of interest. The grainy images can really make a holga-like effect.
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